Trick, Not Treat

Today, in an unexpected effort to be organized this school year for once, I labeled all my classroom drawers so the kids can find stuff. The drawer missing its pull handle, between the drawers for safety glasses and colored pencils, has been labeled "emergency chocolate". I love this. Mwahahaha.

The End

This Spring, in addition to starting a graduate program, I had a series of ridiculously complex hoops to jump through to renew my teaching certificate. Hours of writing, collecting student work as evidence, and a lengthy editing and revising process have all led to this moment of pure freedom. As of last night, I'm done. There were moments when I seriously questioned changing careers to avoid the whole thing.

Some friends and I went out last night to celebrate with Poutine and a sad Polish movie---was too full and I cried. But I woke up this morning feeling absolutely free. FREE!!

During the school year, my work is never done, weekends and nights are never really time off from my job. If I'm not grading or lesson planning I'm feeling guilty and knowing I'm going to regret it later.  It's not an exaggeration to say that I'm always working---I just can't seem to relax. And it's gotten worse during the last 9 years I've been teaching. Once I realized how much better I was at my job when I got to school an hour before it started and left 4 hours after, it's like it became my new normal and I couldn't go back. When I get home I usually spend the hour before I fall asleep emailing parents or administrators. I'm usually thinking about how to turn cool things I see or read into innovative lessons. I scan the internet for silly science cartoons to put on my tests and pepper into my powerpoints. I'm become crazed with TED Ed videos and watch them like Saturday morning cartoons with bowls of cereal in the morning hoping to find the gems that might make learning sort-of interesting. And Sunday nights are the worst. The absolute worst.

I always forget what summer feels like---it's like no other feeling. It's three in the afternoon and I'm still in my pajamas. I know it's Saturday and maybe I could do that any Saturday, but it's different. Because I know that all the days are Saturdays now.

The Penultimate Day of School

I really don't have much to say. I'm exhausted. I'm heart broken that tomorrow I have to say goodbye to 130ish kids who've meant the world to me this year. I'm giddy with excitement. I'm grateful. I'm just a lot of conflicting feelings.

And just so, so tired.

The only thing I know for sure is there there are gonna be a lot of tears tomorrow. 8th graders are very emotional.

International Space Station Alert

Earlier tonight I was working in my classroom and had so much to do that I was beginning to feel convinced that I should just spend the night there; crawl right under my desk with my rolled up lab coat as a pillow when I couldn't stand to grade another Science journal. In this defeated moment a chirp from an app on my phone alerted me that in just a few minutes the ISS would be passing directly over head at my exact planetary location.

Five minutes later, science journals abandoned, with my coat, my keys, and my dreams held tightly in my hand, I stood in the middle of the dark and abandoned parking lot staring up at the twilight sky. I watched as the Space Station cruised by and then slowly dimmed and went dark as it floated into Earth's shadow.

As I walked on to my car, glad that Science had saved me from a grading all-nighter, I could only hope that one day I would be up there looking down. Until then, this:

This is Our Planet from Tomislav Safundžić on Vimeo.

Wherein I Lose an Organ

So it turns out that that crazy "indigestion" problem I was having on Friday morning was my gall bladder freaking out. Ouch.

I woke up feeling a little, just weird, I drove to school and the feeling slowly intensified in the hour before school started. A few minutes into first period I stopped suddenly in the middle of what I was explaining about sciency things, looked down at the floor, then back at my students who are always 10 seconds away from crazy town and I could see that my pause had initiated a countdown, and it occured to me that this could only end badly. I hobbled over to my cabinet and pulled out a Planet Earth DVD (bless you BBC), negotiated with the technology and light switches, and sat down. My students seemed stunned but went with it. So their teacher's a bit weird, tell them something they don't know. I sat down, got back up--too painful, what in the world is wrong with me? Halfway through first period I was staring lovingly at the floor under my desk wondering if I could fit under it--the only thing I could think of is curling into a little ball. So I called the front desk and talked to the secretary:
Me: Somethings's wrong with me, I feel weird and sick all of the sudden.
Voice on the other end of the phone: Do you want me to call a sub?
Me: I just need my Mom or something.
Voice: I'll call the sub office.

I hope to never re-live that experience, which incidentally I guess I won't have to. Late Saturday night, after 36 uncomfortable hours, I finally dragged myself over to the ER and they admitted me and pulled that pesky little gall bladder right out. Ugh. But now I have to recover from the stab wounds.

It makes me miss the little guy.
 

Diagramming Forces

One of the perks of being a middle school teacher is that 7th graders offer no end of humorous anecdotes. I don’t know what class they’re writing all the notes in because I’m not finding very many lately but I did discover a couple of girls playing M.A.S.H. in their science journals on Thursday when they were supposed to be making plans for our lab. Instead they were making plans for their futures. Which, according to M.A.S.H., will be marriage to Henry and driving a green pick-up truck.

Come on kids! Stay on task.

The lab investigation the rest of us were planning was pretty cool though. We built little fan powered cars and had some races. Mostly the cars crashed into each other but the builders of the winning car won a hundred grand candy bar. I did not win.

Then we got down to some science and calculated the cars' speed and acceleration and diagrammed the forces acting on them. Of course you can’t diagram the force of awesome but you can’t ignore it either when it’s running amuck and crashing into everything. Needless to say it was a logistics nightmare. But I tend to enjoy my job in spite of the crazy. Unhappily, there was far too much screaming and not all of it was from delight; getting your fingers caught in a fan car is not pleasant. Teaching middle school is not for the faint of heart…

Please recall this boring teacher training and the awesomeness that ensued. http://quoththewren.blogspot.com/2011/11/fan-car.html

One of my students was complaining the next day that I'd gotten into her head. Apparently she's starting to think about free body diagrams whenever she sees things moving. I make no apologies. Seeing the world through science can save your life.

I avoided killing a dear, myself and my friends because of free body diagrams.

I was driving the stretch of I-5 between Mount Vernon and Camano Island late at night and I saw a huge deer running straight at my car from the right, but due to my vigorous physics training I immediately saw the entire situation with force vectors and velocities. I instantly realized that if I moved one lane to the left and sped up, the deer would hit me instead of me hitting the deer. I was already moving before I fully realized that I was doing a science. Heh. And that deer SMACKED into my car. But so much better than if I had smacked into it. Physics is always the right answer kids.


Watch this to learn more about diagramming forces:

May the force be with you.

An Apology and A Gift Card

A confiscated note!

Dear [girl],
I am sorry that I wasn't there for you when I was your boyfriend. I hope your having fun with your new boy friend. He must be really nice. Here is a $15 best buy gift card you can use it to buy you a phone. The one right across the street from Northgate sells them for $9.09.
Hope your happy. Sorry for my mistakes.
Your friend, or non-friend
[boy]


I received some ardent apologies from a past relationship of my own this week. But no gift cards, so you have to wonder how heartfelt it really was. Just saying.

Is there anything more demoralizing for a 36 year old woman than when her love life echos the 8th graders...

Sigh.

The answer is yes.

This is more demoralizing: I have an deep, deep affection for Carley Rae Jensen's song "Call Me Maybe". Fact.

Earlier this week I was driving to work and my CD was skipping around (I ruin CDs; NEVER loan me one of yours) so I switched to radio power and had to pump it UP because Carley Rae's sweet, sweet vocals were on the airways.

The first time I endured this song I rolled my eyes a little more than I'm willing to admit now that I'm a mega fan. But soon after hearing it, America's darlings on the U.S. Olympic swim team made a video, I fell in love with it, and it all went downhill from there. Now I'm hooked. I love it so bad. I love it so, so bad.

Is there a more adorable girl on this planet than Missy Franklin [minute 1:36]? There really isn't.

Also this:

And finally this:

You're* welcome.


I promise I'm not an 8th grader contrary to all offered evidence.


*evidence that supports my claim of not being an 8th grader: I know the correct usage of your/you're.

Where Are All the Notes?

Dear loyal blog reader,

Have you wondered what ever happened to me posting confiscated student notes? Don't worry, I'm pretty sure I'll be able to start posting more soon. Last year I was teaching honors classes and the thing about honors students is they are smart (translate to sneaky). Either that or they aren't very interested in advancing their social agenda. Either way, I didn't find any discarded notes lying about and I rarely saw a kiddo writing a note. I usually at least warn them before taking their notes, a practice for which I apologize to you, dear blog reader. This school year, which starts in just a week (!), promises to be a better haul. I am only teaching 2 honors classes, the other three are just regular 8th grade science classes. Eighth grader's notes are usually better anyway, let's be honest. More drama and angst.

I will try to show at least one super boring science video during September and lurk in the back waiting for some good stuff to come rolling in. Videos are great for note collecting because the kids try to counter extreme disinterest with socializing.

Until then, consider rereading some of your favorites from the past.

Confiscated Notes

Dating and Fashion Advice

do u want 2 d8 me?

A Joke I've Waited My Whole Life to Tell

Science fair season is upon us. It has us in its icy grips and the only way out is through it.

Several days this week I have hidden in my classroom during lunch because I don't want to be attacked by one of my students in the hallway telling me their dumb science fair idea. And I have to tell them something positive and encouraging and then help them brainstorm a much better idea. I've brainstormed about 120 projects. It's exhausting but also secretly I love it.

Crazy paradox.

Today I was explaining that everyone needed to turn their posters in on one date but that the science fair is actually a few weeks later---on my birthday! Seriously. How cool is that. And one of my students named Luke yells out that that is his Dad's birthday!

So I turn to him and say " Luke, I am your father."

Hah! HA!

I'm going to laugh about this forEVER.

It's Easy Being Mean

Ok, so here's how it went down. I brought some liquid nitrogen to school. And right now I know the 8th grader in your soul is jumping up and down with excitement and interrupting me already so let's pause the story right now and answer the questions:

1. Yes, you can buy liquid nitrogen.

2. I don't know if they sell it to kids, you might have to take your parents and convince them to buy it for you.

3. It's free if you have connections, you just give them a $600 deposit for the container and they give you your money back when you bring it back.

4. No, liquid nitrogen is not radioactive. It's just nitrogen, but really, really cold. That's why it's liquid.

5. I know, right?! This is going to be so cool.

6. Ok kids, put on your safety goggles.

I started by pouring some liquid nitrogen into a styrofoam container and put a balloon in it. It deflated immediately but when I pulled it out with tongs it inflated right back up. It was pretty cool.

Then I tossed some mini marshmallows in and after pulling them out with the tongs, I crushed them up with a hammer. Everyone was delighted by this. Then I popped one in my mouth and when I opened my mouth "smoke" came billowing out. Everyone had to try this, so that took a few minutes. I could have ended it right there and been the best science teacher ever. But I had a few tricks up my sleeve; up my glove actually. Literally. Seriously.

I had a hot dog stuffed into the thumb spot of my glove. As I was setting up the next demo I let my “thumb” drop into the liquid nitrogen; it starting fizzy and bubbling and boiling away and freezing the hot dog solid. I made a few comments about how cold it was. “Oh wow, I can’t even feel my thumb anymore, it’s completely numb!”

So I pulled it out of the Nitrogen and set my hand on the counter. Then I picked up the hammer and sort of pushed it against my thumb and continued to exclaim that I couldn’t feel anything at all. Then I raised that hammer up into the air and smashed it down on the “thumb” and all heck broke loose. The glove and bits of frozen hot dog exploded into the air and rained down out onto the counter and floor around it. Before I even smashed it down though I was laughing and smiling and as it was smashing I was already saying things like it’s just a joke, it’s not real. I think only about 10 of the kids thought it was real and only for about 2 seconds. But it was AWESOME. Also, super mean.

I quickly won them over when I pulled a carton of ice cream mix onto the counter and made chocolate ice cream. I certainly wouldn’t say every day of science is this exciting but we have a good time in there.

Here's a pic of me mixing the ice cream with a flat butter knife, I tried to use a spoon but it didn't really work because the top froze solid when I poured the liquid nitrogen into the ice cream. I was using the knife to poke holes into the ice to get down into the liquid ice cream below. It took a second dose of nitrogen and a lot of stirring but it tasted great. Very smooth and creamy.

Fan Car

Although I enjoy being a teacher, I dislike going to teacher development trainings. Usually I am bored and keep thinking of all the other things I need to be doing in my classroom. Or in my life. Or just trying to stay awake enough to not annoy the presenter.

Last Friday I went to a science teacher training and was not as bored as usual. They gave us science equipment to play with, which dramatically increased my interest level. They had good snacks which dramatically decreased my grumpiness level.

Here is a fan car we were instructed to make:

But I made this:

Faster. Smarter. Better.

The fan on the left side had a slightly stronger battery or perhaps a faster motor than the other side so the car had a slight rightward veering motion when it was fully operational and cruising around the hallway.

I’m not going to lie to you, the rest of the training was pretty typical and uneventful, but this one bright spot made the other 7 hours not quite as tedious. Go Science!!!

Grrrrr

Dear Mrs. Teacher,
I am sorry for punching [boy2] in class. I know it got u very angry and I won't do it again. What I should have been doing is sitting paitiently.
[boy1]

* What he should have been doing is getting his lab equipment, not wandering about that classroom punching [boy2] for fun. sigh. I was very angry.

Dear Ms. Teacher,
I am sorry for lightly punching [boy1] in the arm. I now understand that any form of horseplay is unacceptable. I will never do it again.
Sincerely, [boy2]

*"lightly"? Does this sound like an apology to anyone or an excuse?

And it's at least within the realm of possibility that at some time, some place someone would have mentioned "don't goof off” to him before. He is writing this as an epiphany that was serendipitously explained to him for the first time. Ever.

---

In addition to this little bit of rascality that sent two students to the hallway for 20 mins, a girl blew a burning candle that was attached to a note card across her desk and into the head of another girl.

8 graders + fire = grumpy Ms. Teacher

good news: no one had to stop, drop, and roll.

I need some chocolate.

Boyfriend Rumors

One of my students was humming Eye of the Tiger. I told this kid that that same song had been stuck in my head since Saturday when some friends of mine had been playing it on Rock Band. Of course this put the whole class into an excited state. You could almost see their electrons jumping into higher energy bands. "You play VIDEO GAMES?!" "Who were you playing with?" "Do you have a cat?"
Not sure where that last question came from...

Earlier in the class period one of the kids showed me how someone defaced the Algebra Book and had drawn a goatee on one of the authors. This particular author, Dr. Burger, has recorded several short videos for each section of the book which we sometimes refer to when I want to walk around helping kids but want everyone to keep learning. Because learning is awesome!
In response to the goatee I said, "Oh no, not our beloved Dr. Burger"!

So . . .

Here's the latest rumor: Dr. Burger, who is my boyfriend, and I play rock band on the weekends when we aren't doing math.

. . .

Seriously, I can't think of a better way to spend the weekend.

Algebra Angst

Please understand that I have been known to misuse superlatives, so some of you are going to roll your eyes when I say this, but here's the truth. Math is my favorite.

I am not even kidding you.

Four of the six classes I'm teaching this year are 8th grade Algebra and they're all freaking out about it. But here's the thing kids, freaking out doesn't help. What we all need a little more of is geeking out. If everyone would just do a bit more of that, we could survive.

Ahhhhhhhhhh, GEEK OUT!

(You really have to sing this ala "Le Freak" to feel the correct intensity of that statement.)

But why is Math my favorite you ask? Besides the obvious answer of it's awesome?! Here's why: Math is like a little puzzle. And let me put in a little disclaimer: I have a degree in Geology and not Astronomy because I didn't want to take so much math . . . *sigh* we all make mistakes in college. But just because I once ran from the fight does not mean I'll let you. So buckle down, here we go:

Suppose you're sitting in class and your teacher says you can use Algebra in real life and you think to yourself: "ummm . . . my teacher is crazy". Well?

And then she throws this at you:

Maggie’s brother is three years younger than twice her age. The sum of their ages is 24. Write and solve an equation to find out how old Maggie is?

And then you think: Holy Smokes! Why does she have to make everything so complicated? Just look at Maggie's birth certificate!

Yeah, if you indentify with the above story, you might be suffering from Algebra Angst.

If you saw the above problem and thought: "Finally! My math teacher promised this would happen someday. I was just blog stalking and now, what a treat, some math I can really sink my teeth into! I've been ready for this moment--let me at it!" Then you might be crazy.

Welcome to your dream world crazies.

do u want 2 d8 me?

So, school started 1.5 weeks ago. I miss sleeping in until 11. I miss riding my bike around in the sunshine. I miss the money I'm now spending on gas for my killer commute. But I like my classes, the kids are pretty awesome, The Black Keys are rocking out inside my car stereo, and the notes have started flooding in. So my world's going to be ok.

This note, which we will be featuring today, was discovered after the kids were gone for the day, just laying on the floor by the garbage can/rubbish bin (for my Aussie and Kiwi readers).

Get comfortable.

It's awesome.

As always, NO changes to spelling or punctuation except to maintain privacy or decency.

Dear, [Girl's name]

Hey I wanted to see if you can give me a chance cuz we couldn't date last year we had no time and [dang] you look so fine today everybodies saying we would be a cute couple so I wanted to see if u wanted to test the waters with me i'm not even playing around I like you I've changed since last year I'm not a player like I used to be if I really like someone I won't date them just to get something I've changed I'll never go back to the same person I was. Just let me show you I can prove to you that I can be a good boyfriend I now I'm your best friend but I wan't to be more than just your friend. I can be a good boyfriend trust me. Just let me know if you want to date.

P.S I hope we can finish wat we started.

unsigned

Ok kids, what we have here is a mystery. Why was this precious declaration of amorous devotion lying on the floor next to the garbage can?

Did [Girl's name] receive the note and this is her response? Maybe they aren't best friends after all? Or she was appalled, understandably, by his grasp of punctuation usage in the English language? I mean seriously, who wants a boyfriend that puts the comma after dear, instead of your name, therefore negating it being used as an adjective to describe how they feel about you?! Honestly guys, get a clue!

Did the note sender chicken out, never send it to [Girl's name], and throw it away in disgust?

Was a jealous third party entrusted with the sacred task of delivering the note to [Girl's name] and, overcome with the green-eyed monster, thwarted true love's course?

And the greatest mystery of all: why after 108 words did he suddenly decide to throw in a period?

Super Sonic Chocolate Covered AWESOME!

This post's title is a quote borrowed from one of my 7th graders today. It made us all laugh and I have determined that I must begin circulating it in my daily conversation. So, if you're pretty cool and I notice I just might declare you to be super sonic chocolate covered awesome!



Also good news kids, it's friday. And we all know what that means . . .



It's time for another installment of a low calorie friday treat:

Low Calorie Friday Treat

One of my students gave me a fortune cookie this morning with this awesome fortune: "You will enjoy doing something different this coming weekend." I have to admit that this little slip of paper has created a bit of hopeful anticipation in my soul. How cool would that be if it were true!

A typical weekend for me mostly involves rest and hanging out with friends. Both of these are enjoyable activities, but yeah, I would love to "enjoy doing something different". . .

Any ideas?

And here without further ado, the low calorie friday treat tradition continues: Enjoy!

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/4255627/ok_go_this_too_shall_pass/


Hope you enjoy doing something different this coming weekend too.

Dating and Fashion Advice

Note #1
Girl 1: Curl your hair 2morrow! Please!
Girl 2: I can't
G1: Why not?
G2: cuz
G1: Fine then! At least sleep w/ braidsin!
G2: Well I can try but I suck at it
G1: It's easy leave it in count to 20 spray w/ hairspray but DON'T brush it. okay!


Note #2
Girl 1: Bow Chica Wow Wow!
Girl 2: What do U mean?!?
Girl 2 (after what appears to be a little time): GASP!
I just got it!
OMG!
G1: loL! i'll ask him at P.E to ask you out.
G2: I'm sooo nervous abt all this! I D even know if I want 2 go out w/ him!
HELP!
G1: Ummmmmm I'll just tell him 2 ask u out and you can decide to say yes or no.
G2: That is SOOO unfair!! :)

There are so many things about these notes that crack me up. Like why do they find so much time on their hands during my classes? Or Why don't they use proper punctuation? But the thing that is so curious, is why am I still having the same conversations with my own friends? OMG!

Confiscated Notes

Seventh graders love writing notes to each other. I have an absolutely-NO-note-writing policy in my classroom. Seriously kids, we have important things to do!

Ahhhh, but when I find a note, I love it. LOVE IT. They are theee greatest to read. Today's crop was too awesome to not share. I might make this a regular feature on my blog. All names have been changed and swears have been changed to more polite words, otherwise it's exactly as it appears in it's original glory.

Note #1

Student 1 (boy): Hey.

Student 2 (girl): Hi.

S1: whatchu doin.

S2: pretending to care about what Ms.White is saying

ME: LOL (I laughed for 5 entire minutes)

S1: so what's up

S2: nothing...what about you...?

S1: thinkin about stuff that men are suppose to think about...cars

S2: haha...cars are cool.

S1: yup. so you have nise shoos I like your hair

S2: thanks...I like your broken shoes

S1: thanks alot...yeah so u uhh like them thanks so.

S2: so.

S1: so what.

S2: i don't know

S1: ok. so ummmm. (Another student) thinks you don't have an (bum) but I think you have a nice one. LOL JKJK

S2: lol.

S1: your funny

S2: your funny x3

S1: ok yah and your cute x 10,000,000,000.

S2: your cute x 100 (no offense)

S1: whatever.

S1: so ummmmm. OMG Im so Board.

Ahhhh, wiping a tear, so awesome. I love the spelling.

Note #2

S1:Hi (girl's name)!

S2: Hey (girl's name).

S1: THIS IS TORTURE

S2: fo serious! haha

S1: Did you guys kiss yet?

S2: No...We barely talked over break cuz I got my phone taken away...And I've only seen him once today

Me: I feel your pain sister.

Note #3

S1: haha I'm bored. this is my own personal torture chamber :(

S2: mine too. this is way boring. She drones on like Charlie Brown's teacher

S1: yupp she does

S2: I (heart symbol) My Flats :)

First day back from break felt like torture to me too...

Dear Christmas Break,

I miss you so much.

Love, Karen

Talk Nerdy to Me

I have to change my password at work a lot. Here’s the drill—every 6 weeks or so I get this annoying pop up message when I’m trying to log in telling me I have to change my password. Then, inevitably, next time I log in I’ll forget my new password...
When you’re teaching a bunch of hooligans and the technology fails it’s one more unpleasant thing to do. (p.s. I like the hooligans.)

Ok, so here’s the solution—the periodic table. Yes, you read that correctly. But how can the periodic table help with thinking of new, easy to remember, constantly changing passwords?? After three or four password changes I was racking my brain trying to quickly come up with something memorable when my eyes rested upon the periodic table hanging magnanimously on the wall. I pondered its beauty for a moment when it struck me. I typed in hydrogen as my new password. 6 weeks later: helium. Then, you guessed it, lithium. , etc.

And now after using a password for almost 2 months I can, with no trouble at all, spell vanadium, scandium, manganese not to be confused with magnesium, etc.

I could take anyone in a periodic table spelling bee. Bring it.

Feel free to use this solution if you are also plagued with a constantly changing password.

How many times have you sat through a boring Chemistry lecture (just kidding, they're never boring!) to find yourself trying to spell words with the periodic table?
Never??
Oh, ahem, me neither...

But if you're as distractable as I am---Oh look, something shiny!

You might love this website as much as me. Ok, maybe not that much, but you might enjoy it a little: